


Circling the Edge of the Never Ending

by taqarat



Series: We Thought We Lost You.... Welcome Back [1]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, M/M, Pre-Epilogue, ish, post trk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 04:56:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14301267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taqarat/pseuds/taqarat
Summary: 2 months after TRK.Adam and Gansey make peace. Adam and Ronan move in together.





	Circling the Edge of the Never Ending

There was a reason that whenever Adam needed to pick up an extra shift at the factory, the Friday night, five-to-eleven always had openings. Who wanted to finish off their week with six hours of mind-numbing monotony that also managed to make your back ache and feet throb. Not Adam. Yet here he was, finally clocking out for the 3rd Friday in a row.

 

Adam slid into the driver's seat of his dilapidated car. ‘Shitbox’ he murmured fondly, remembering Ronan’s scrawled handwriting on the mixed tape.He closed his eyes and allowed himself exactly two breaths to miss Ronan and rest his weary eyelids. Then he forced his eyes back open and turned the key in the ignition.

 

This shift was the last piece to an already grueling week and he was exhausted down to his bones. If he could use his magical powers for anything, he mused, he’d transport himself directly into Ronan’s bed at the Barns, warm comforter over him, warm boy beside him. And he’d sleep, sleep, sleep for days. But it was too late at night and he was too tired to drive out there now. His plan was to crash at St. Agnes and then head to the Barns in the morning knowing he had two blissful days to spend there.

 

There was just one more stop to make before he headed back to his cramped apartment above the church. He needed to check in on Gansey. He’d seen him all week at school of course. They had most of the same classes and they ate lunch together every day. But there were always other boys around, so he was politician’s-son-Gansey at school, rather than the best-friend, recently-resurrected, possibly-part-magical-forest Gansey that he needed to check in with. It was all too easy for Gansey to fake a smile and assure Adam he was fine when they were at Aglionby. But Adam had been watching carefully and Gansey wasn’t completely fine. There was a tension in his shoulders, a sadness behind his eyes. Adam hoped a late night visit to Monmouth would reveal the truth.

 

After all they’d been through as their quest for Glendower ended a few months back, it was mind-blowing that the rest of the world had expected them to go back to their previous obligations. And on top of that, they were seeing even less of each other than they used to. Gansey had been in D.C. with his family nearly every weekend since for campaign events. Adam, with the next semester tuition due soon, was working extra shifts. And Ronan was full time at the Barns now - trading in his Aglionby responsibilities for those of the caretaker of a farm and of a strange hoofed girl.

 

Adam pulled into the Monmouth parking lot next to the Pig, craning his neck to look up at the second story windows of the old factory. All the lights were out, which was strange. It was after 11:00 pm so it was possible that Gansey was asleep, but that would be unlike him. They’d all been looking for any indication of a change in Gansey since his resurrection, but so far he seemed himself, including his legendary insomnia.

 

Before Adam could make up his mind about whether to enter the building in the dark or just abandon the errand, movement in his periphery caught his attention. The driver’s side window of the Pig was slowly being rolled down and Gansey’s face, previously hidden by reflection on the glass, was emerging behind it. Adam bewilderedly returned his half-hearted wave and got out of his car to approach him.

 

“What are you doing out here?” Adam asked.

 

“Oh, you know. Enjoying the view.” Gansey answered with false cheerfulness.

 

Adam glanced around. In the pale light of the distant street light all that was visible were the weeds poking through the asphalt of the parking lot and the faded Monmouth Manufacturing sign painted decades ago on the concrete wall. Even the sky was clouded over and devoid of any light.

 

“Right,” Adam said, his shoulders hunched from the cold.

 

“Hop in. It’s warmer in here,” offered Gansey, always the host even when all he could offer was the worn seat of his old Camaro on a freezing cold night.

 

Adam climbed into the passenger seat and closed the door with the practiced force needed to make it latch. They sat in silence for a long moment, looking out the windshield at the bleak night. “So… this is nice,” Adam finally said sarcastically, hoping to prompt an explanation. It was warmer in the car but only marginally so.

 

Gansey continued to look out at the abandoned factory. “I feel like a metaphor about the impact of the post industrial economy on rural America could be made, but the exact phrasing is escaping me at the moment.”

 

“Gansey….” Adam prompted, too tired to be patient with his musings.

 

He inhaled deeply. “It’s too empty. Without Ronan and Noah and Glendower even. It’s just….” He paused for a while, their breaths and the distant highway noise the only sounds to be heard. “When I found this place it was just me and my quest and the energy of this town. The possibilities seemed endless. And then it became even more. Ronan moved in. And then Noah…was here. And you and Blue became a part of it all. And I knew. I knew it was going to end. But this place was still the epicenter, the pulsing heart of it all. 

 

“And it worked out. I mean I’m not complaining about the outcome. I’m so grateful, I’ll always be grateful. But….”

 

Adam understood. The vast volume of that space without the quest, without Ronan, without Noah. With the reminders of Glendower, and all the agony that the end of that journey had entailed, on every surface. It would be overwhelming.

 

“Gans. Are you living in your car?”

 

“No! No’” Gansey assured, too loudly. His bravado spoke volumes. “I still live…there. I just can’t _sleep_ there all the time. Sometimes I sleep on the couch at Fox Way. Or the one at Litchfield. I’ve thought about applying for a room in the dorms but…I don’t know.” He paused again with his brow furrowed, looking down at where his thumbs hung on the bottom of the steering wheel. “It’s funny. I’ve never encountered this problem before. In the past whenever the trail grew cold I would move on to the next destination. Chase the next clue. I don’t quite know what to do with myself without the quest, you know?” He gave Adam a wan smile then seemed to actually _see_ Adam. “Jesus. I’m sorry. You’ve just put in a 16 hour day and I’m… Go home, Adam. Get some rest. We can talk more tomorrow.”

 

“Gansey…”

 

“I was just about to head back in. Honestly. I’ll be fine.”

 

Adam craned his neck to look at the dark and dusty second floor windows and imagined Gansey heading up there alone. He let his head fall back against the seat heavily. “Drive me home?” he mumbled.

 

Gansey raised his eyebrows in surprise. Adam rarely asked for favors. "Of course.”

 

They made the short drive in silence. Adam rested his head against the window and maybe dozed for a few minutes. Gansey killed the engine when he reached the small lot outside the church. Adam rubbed his face, unbuckled his seat belt, then purposefully caught Gansey’s eye. He gestured with his head toward the stairs. He couldn’t quite bear to make the offer out loud. It was a meager and sad substitute for Monmouth but it was all Adam had. Gansey just looked at him for a long moment and Adam felt the first tinges of embarrassment. Of course Gansey wouldn’t want to stay in his cramped and cold apartment. Of course it was a ridiculous offer. Then Gansey gave him a small, grateful smile and unbuckled his own seatbelt. 

 

Adam unlocked the door in silence and cranked up the space heater that Ronan had dreamed up for him. It looked like a simple, plywood box on the outside but when you opened it, silent, orange flames danced out of the top of it. They wouldn’t catch anything on fire, Ronan had assured him, but they did heat up the space rapidly.

 

He left Gansey to admire Ronan’s handiwork and went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. When he came out Gansey was in the desk chair, as reclined as he could get. His feet on the end of the bed, his head crooked at an awkward angle. He’d taken Adam’s spare blanket and wrapped it around his shoulders.

 

“What are you doing?” Adam asked, trying to keep the exasperation out of his voice.

 

“I was going to sleep…?”

 

“Get in the bed, Gansey.”

 

He shook his head. “I don’t want to disrupt your…” 

 

“Godzilla couldn’t keep me awake tonight. Ronan and I figured out how to make two fit in that bed. Even before… Just get in before I fall asleep right here.”

 

Gansey complied albeit a bit reluctantly. He climbed in and slid over toward the wall then looked at Adam apprehensively. “Turn on your side. Good. This okay?” he asked after Gansey was facing the wall and Adam was facing him, slotted together on the narrow bed. Adam could tell Gansey was tense, his body still so stiff he was practically levitating off the mattress. If Adam’s brain had any bandwidth left he might care about the awkwardness. But sleep was already crowding in on his consciousness. “Go to sleep, Gans,” he mumbled and shuffled closer to his warmth. He rested his forehead against the nape of his neck and folded his arms in the small space between his own stomach and the small of Gansey’s back, too tired to overthink it.

 

It must have worked. He woke not to the usual sound of his predawn alarm but to actual daylight coming through his small window. Gansey was still sound asleep beside him, neither of them having moved from their original position. 

 

When Adam came out of the bathroom a short time later he found Gansey perched on the side of the bed, his phone pressed firmly to his ear. He gave Adam an apologetic half smile.

 

“I know Helen…..I know, I just can’t. I have two exams next week I need to study for…yes…..of course. Just tell her that I’m sorry and that I’ll be there on the 12th for sure…..Thank you.” He hung up and flopped back onto the bed with a weary sigh.

 

“Not going to D.C. today?” Adam asked.

 

“I just can’t. God. I know I’m being terribly selfish but if I have to go to one more campaign event I might just….” his thoughts trailed off without completion.

 

“I’m heading to the Barns for the weekend. Come with.”

 

Gansey looked up at him with a surprised and hopeful expression. “Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah. We can study for those tests together. Ronan will be less annoyed with all my studying if you’re there doing it too.”

 

Gansey nodded and his expression morphed into genuine happiness. “That sounds really nice.” 

 

Ten minutes later they were pulling up next to the Hondoyota in the Monmouth parking lot. Adam followed Gansey up the stairs and into the vast room so that Gansey could grab a few things for the weekend. Adam was struck by how empty it felt now. It was funny - an actual, legitimate ghost had been living there for years and yet Monmouth felt infinitely more haunted now that he’d gone. 

 

Ronan’s room was mostly unchanged, his bed still unmade, his crap still strewn across the floor. But it was obvious that no one had stayed in that room for weeks. Ronan was still trying to figure out Opal. She was only happy at the Barns and it wasn’t clear yet how much she could be on her own. She wasn’t a child but she was new to this world. She needed help navigating it. So that meant Ronan had been staying at the Barns every night.

 

Adam made his way into the kitchen/bathroom and helped himself to a bowl of cereal while Gansey packed. He sat on the counter and was just slurping up the last of his corn flakes when Gansey came in to brush his teeth.

 

“What if we both move out there? To the Barns?” Adam asked out of the blue, surprising himself. He hadn’t consciously been thinking about it but now that he’d said it, he suspected his subconscious had been working it out for some time. 

 

“You and Ronan? Are you already at the living together stage?”

 

“No, you and me. _With_ Ronan.” 

 

Gansey furrowed his brow at him in confusion. “I’m afraid I’m a little lost here.”

 

“We’d have to ask him, of course, but I know he’ll say yes. He’s been hinting for me to give up St. Agnes for weeks. He’s lonely out there, even with Opal. And he’s still dreaming which makes me fucking crazy with worry when no one else is there.” He worried about other things too. Ronan was constantly surrounded with the reminders of his parents and a family that had all but disintegrated. And while Ronan was much more of a responsible adult with Opal and the Barns to take care of, he still did stupid shit from time to time. And god was he stubborn. Adam constantly wanted to ask him if he’d eaten, if he’d slept. Did he drive too fast or take on some project on his own that really needed three skilled workers to do. Did he dream? Did he dream? Did he dream?

 

Gansey leaned against the counter next to him, brushing his bottom lip with his thumb in concentration. “I worry I'd perpetually be the proverbial third wheel.”

 

“You know it wouldn’t be like that. You’ve lived with Ronan for years. And you’re right - I’m not ready to move in with him like that - we’ve only been together a couple of months. It would make more sense with you there. It’d be more of a communal house than us just shacking up together.”

 

“Isn’t it a bit far to commute in to school and your jobs?”

 

“Not if we carpool in together and use the commute to study. We could quiz each other on upcoming tests or discuss assigned readings or… just talk. I’d actually get to see you outside of school. I’d get to see Ronan outside of the weekend.” Adam paused and let them both think a bit about all the repercussions. “I know it will be hard to give up Monmouth. Maybe you could still….”

 

“It’s gone already,” said Gansey.

 

“What?"

 

“When Ronan was flunking out. The deal I made with Childs…”

 

"Gansey….Shit. Gans….”

 

“I know. I know. I didn’t think it would matter. I thought I’d… I didn’t imagine he’d want to be here after I…..” Gansey struggled to explain but Adam understood. If Gansey had actually died he couldn’t imagine any of them being able to bear setting foot in Monmouth again.

 

“When?”

 

“It’s unclear now that Ronan dropped out. I could probably advocate to keep it until June at least. Helen says that there are ways to get out of it altogether but I don’t really see the point. It’s a chapter that is over.”

 

Adam let that sink in for a long moment. Then he nodded thoughtfully. It made sense. It felt right. Monmouth was about Gansey and Ronan. It was about Noah. It was about the quest for Glendower. Without those things it was just an empty, dusty shell with questionable hygiene and undoubtably numerous code violations. 

 

“So you’ll move with me? To the Barns?”

 

Gansey covered his whole mouth with his hand, his chin tucked into his chest, his lungs filling and then emptying in a visible way. His head bobbed thoughtfully for a moment then he raised his eyes to Adam’s. His hand dropped away and the smile beneath was radiant, but his eyes were humble. “I think I’d really love that.”

 

Adam’s smile felt like it might split his face open. "Me too. Ronan’s going to flip.”

 

Gansey finished packing for the weekend. They’d come back for the rest of the stuff after they’d talked with Ronan. While he packed Adam wandered and contemplated and planned. Eventually Adam came out to put a few things into the Pig before they headed to Singer’s Falls. He was leaning against the passenger side when Gansey emerged with a leather duffle and a set to his shoulders and a lightness in his step that was more relaxed than Adam had seen in a very long while. He threw his bag in the trunk then sidled alongside Adam and looked up at Monmouth with him.

 

“We should have a last hurrah here. Some sort of goodbye party,” Adam said.

 

"I was thinking that too. And something for Noah. I don’t know what yet. But…”

 

“Yeah.” Adam let out a long sigh. “Yeah.”

 

They stood there in the chilly morning sun for a bit longer. Gansey looked down at his feet and then asked in a slightly quieter voice, “Can I ask you what’s changed? Why you’re okay moving in now when before.… Was it me?”

 

Adam shifted uncomfortably and thought hard about the answer. He knew he’d hurt Gansey deeply when they’d fought about this months before. He owed him an honest answer now. “I don’t know. Everything? Everything has changed? 

 

“Maybe it’s that it wouldn’t just benefit me? That you need this and Ronan needs this and I want it too. Maybe I’ve learned that doing everything on my own is not the way I want to live my life.” He huffed out a small laugh. “Probably it’s just that I’m a stubborn asshole and nothing seems like a good idea unless I think of it on my own.”

 

Gansey laughed lightly and seemed to accept that.

 

He thought back to the night before. How offering Gansey a place to stay when he was lost and lonely and afraid to return to his home was the most natural thing to do for his friend. Yet when Gansey had done that very thing for him he’d turned it into a nasty fight.

 

"God I’m such an insufferable dick. I’m sorry I pushed you away for so long.”

 

“You weren’t insufferable. You were proud and stoic and strong…. and maybe a little bit confounding at times.”

 

“Confounding. Sure.” Adam knew that that was a very generous way of putting it. “Thank you. By the way. For that offer back then. I see it now for what it was.”

 

"You are welcome. But, I’m sorry too. That I didn’t understand you well enough to know what you really needed at the time. I know I have a very limited world view. I know my privilege makes me blind to some things.”

 

“You did fine, Gansey. We were all doing the best we could at the time. Now we can all do better.”

 

Gansey gave him a small, warm smile then held his fist up in front of them.

 

“To the Barns?” Adam asked, bumping his fist.

 

“The Barns,” Gansey agreed and they turned to climb into the Pig.

 

****

 

Adam used Gansey’s phone to text Ronan on the way there.

 

_hey. it’s adam. on my way and bringing g with me. we have a proposal for you. what do you think of us moving in with you at the barns? think about it. be there in 20._

 

They both climbed out of the car when they arrived in front of the old farmhouse. Ronan tore out of the front door seconds later and before Adam could comprehend what was going on, he’d tackled Gansey so that they both went sprawling onto the hood of the Pig. Gansey let out a startled noise. "Ow Ronan! Get off. Jesus,” he admonished but the effect was diminished by the laughter.

 

Ronan let him up with a dangerous grin of his own.

 

“What was that for?” Gansey asked, shoving Ronan’s shoulder playfully.

 

“Just making sure you were prepared to live by Lynch house rules if you’re going to be moving in here.”

 

“And what rules are those? That you can be an obnoxious asshole anytime you want?” 

 

“Yeah. Pretty much.”

 

“Funny. That sounds remarkably similar to the house rules at Monmouth, as I seem to remember.” They were both smiling and light in a way that Adam hadn’t seen on either of them in a long time. Gansey dropped his head for a moment, clearly thinking about something. When he opened his mouth to say it, his lips still pulled into a happy grin, Ronan interrupted.

 

“Don’t get fucking sentimental on me now.” He cuffed Gansey playfully on the head and pushed him towards the porch where Opal was waiting with a stern look on her face. “Opal, show Gansey to his room. Don’t look at me like that. Be nice.” Ronan pointed at her and tilted his head in warning and she glowered back. 

 

Opal focused her intense gaze on Gansey as he took a step towards the house. Adam knew her well enough now that he could see that her expression had shifted from annoyed at Ronan to warily curious of the boy before her. Gansey glanced over his shoulder at Ronan briefly, clearly looking for encouragement or guidance, but Ronan gave him nothing. He turned back and slowly approached Opal, stopping two steps down from her. They sized each other up for a long moment then Gansey held his right hand out to her, as if to shake. She looked at it, then wrapped her small left hand around it, tugging him up the last few steps and turning towards the door. They made a heartbreakingly adorable pair as she gazed up at him with quiet reverence and led him into the house.

 

The smile was gone from Ronan’s face when he turned back to Adam. He approached him carefully. Even shyly. 

 

“What, don’t I get a hello tackle too?” Adam teased.

 

Ronan glanced up at him with an indecipherable expression. Serious or nervous or..… _sad_? He glanced away and then back and then away again.

 

Adam’s stomach dropped and every bit of oxygen left his lungs. He realized what an asshole move he’d made. What kind of dick invites himself to move in with his boyfriend of barely two months over a _text_? His Catholic boyfriend no less. He swore that Ronan had hinted about him giving up his St. Agnes apartment. Hadn’t he? He furiously tried to recollect the conversations but couldn’t at that point remember what he’d actually said. Maybe Adam’s mind had just made it all up due to wishful thinking.

 

“Shit Ronan. I’m sorry. It was just an idea. We don’t…If this is too much, too fast you can tell me. Fuck, I didn’t….”

 

“Stop, Parrish.”

 

“I just thought you’d said… I don’t know what I was thinking. I….”

 

“Shut _up_ , Adam.”

 

Adam shut up and tried to get air into his constricted lungs. 

 

“Jesus, just let me…” Ronan said as he took Adam’s hands in his and stared down at them. Adam could just see the furrow in his brow and the way his eyelashes cast a shadow on his sharp cheekbones. His thumbs rubbed furious circles over Adam’s knuckles. “I want you here. I want it… I want it too much. I got that text and I was so fucking scared to let myself actually believe it’s true.”

 

He looked up into his eyes and Adam realized what he’d thought was sadness was actually hope. 

 

"You really want that? To move out here with me?” 

 

Adam sighed with profound relief. ”Yeah. I… yeah. If you’d have me. I hate that I only see you on the weekends that I don’t work. And I worry about you all the way out here… and it’d only be until next fall but… yeah…I really want this.”

 

Ronan smiled and then adorably tried to school it away without any sort of success. He dropped one of Adam’s hands and turned to pull him towards the house. “Well okay. As long as you’re prepared to agree to the Lynch house rules too.”

 

Adam let himself be pulled up the steps and didn’t bother to try to hide his own wide smile. “Yeah, no. That’s not going to happen.”


End file.
